2015IAMNOTN_P8Stunned, the audience tumble out of the little room. Asking the man next to me what he thought about I Am Not Myself These Days, a tumultuous remake of Josh Kilmer-Purcell’s autobiography of working as a drag queen, he replies: “You know what, I think the Fringe exploits young people. I’ve been coming back for five years, and it’s all young people like you running around in skinny jeans – I swear most of the money goes into the bars.”

He nods back towards the direction of Tom Stuart’s powerful, one-man show.
“What happened in there is a metaphor for what happens to your relationship with the Fringe after a while. You realise it’s the end of the performance, you get tired. Performing doesn’t have the same fantasy appeal. You go back to reality.”

I Am Not Myself These Days is an extraordinary, adrenaline-paced depiction of life. Initially I groaned, my head filtering through thousands of coked-up drag queen stereotypes, wondering if I had been dragged to another trite representation: one that exalts in weirdness, makes a spectacle of living life on the margins and usually ends up sudden and dramatic death (stir in drugs, alcohol or a combination of both). Stuart’s character, however, is extraordinarily complex and endlessly fascinating. Moving from hysteria to intimate sadness, Stuart’s intensity is breath-taking, his rawness unsettling in a way that only truly mesmerising acting can be. Whatever place he finds within himself whilst acting – I’d be keen to go.

An odd jolting sound effect accompanies Aqua as Stuart moves between character, scene, and frame of mind – it’s unnecessary as the performance has more than enough: it’s spilling over the edges. His ridiculously good representation of different characters leaves you reeling. Simmering under a blue silk robe, Stuart offers a reality of fetish and perversity with a healthy dose of humanity.

Aqua, Tom Stuart’s drag queen character, eventually leaves her tumultuous, hidden underworld of fetish. Stuart dresses himself back to normality. He stops performing. His show maintains itself throughout, the beginning as fulfilling as the end – nothing falls short.

The result is stunning. After falling dramatically through the k-hole, having a British CEO bite ankles, and being slapped in the face by Aqua’s intense relationship with a man who gets paid to satisfy desire, I Am Not Myself These Days is brutal and  utterly exhausting. It is a performance that leaves you emotionally drained. Or that could just be me – maybe I’m getting too old.

I Am Not Myself These Days will be playing from 18-23 and 25-30 August as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. For more information, visit the Edinburgh Fringe website.