The first few weeks after coming back from visiting your home country are the worst, as you find yourself battling the temptation to just pack up and go back. The goodbyes are not becoming easier with time. Every single time I say goodbye to my family back home not knowing when I’m coming back to see them again, I have tears in my eyes. That’s when I remind myself why am I actually doing all this and that it is all worth it. Or will be.
Being at home reminded me of how easy everything could be for me. Living at home, I wouldn’t have to wonder if I was still going to have somewhere to live in few weeks of time. If I didn’t have anywhere to go, I wouldn’t have to beg my friends to let me crash at theirs before I put myself together again, feeling like the biggest loser – I could always just go home. Any time I was in the store thinking of buying clothes, some cosmetics or books, I wouldn’t have to wonder if I’d still be able to fit it all in my suitcase in case I need to move again – I’ve moved about 14 times in the past six years.
My parents, who are naturally worried about me and want the best for me, often ask me why I don’t stay at home. Yes, my life would be easier, but would I be happier? Without hesitation, my answer is “No”. I’d drive myself crazy. Chasing your dreams is hard, but not doing so is even harder and is something I’d regret for the rest of my life. And I promised myself that I want to fully live my life – which means going after what I want, no matter what.
But then simple things happen, like having a walk in central London and seeing the faces of tourists amazed by the city, and I feel lucky that I am able to see the sights whenever I want. Or taking a class at The Actors’ Centre and seeing all the familiar faces I’ve gotten to know thanks to that place. Then there’s the choices of food from all over the world, simply being able to get a cup of coffee wherever you are and meeting people from all over the world. All that just makes you feel so lucky that you can live in London no matter what the cost and it makes you fall in love with the city once again.
It’s so easy to forget to be grateful for what we have and focus on the problems instead. So much changes when you change your focus and mindset.
Image by Lenka Šilhánová